possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
