His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
