You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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