Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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