Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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