No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
