I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
