are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
