I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
