if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
