I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
