Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
