Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
