i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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