dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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