Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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