Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
