I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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