So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The air was thick with penises
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
