He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
