she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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