Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
