This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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