I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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