she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have aggressive nipples.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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