Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
