why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
