i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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