i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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