It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
