I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize