I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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