halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize