I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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