fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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