At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
