woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
