Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
