Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
