guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
