I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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