She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
