I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
