I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
