i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize