when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
