I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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