That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
