I am in a vortex of obligation.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
