you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
