There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
