Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
