In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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