I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
