To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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