Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
