i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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