Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
