..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
