I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
