If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
