I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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