We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
