i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
high people should be assigned attendants
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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