You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
