You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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