i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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