I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize