She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
