i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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