Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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