Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
