i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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