Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
