Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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