Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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