you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
