You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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