so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
